friend article: the right kind of friend

I love reading the Friend for a lot of reasons. I am absolutely certain that I get more out of the magazine than probably anyone else in our family–if only because I study it to give our third-week-of-the-month family home evening. A story from the November 2009 issue of the Friend, “The Right Kind of Friend,” recounts how a young boy, Alex, starts to realize that his best friend, Jake, is not a member of the LDS church. Instead of the typical inspiring missionary article where the friend eventually gets baptized along with his family, the entire article really hinges on a conversation Alex has with his mother. Alex voices his concern about the differences between him and Jake. Here is his mother’s wise response:

“Well, we don’t believe all the same things as Jake’s family does. But we have a lot in common,” Mom said. “I always feel safe when you are at Jake’s house because his mom watches you carefully and never lets you play bad video games or watch movies that aren’t good.”

“Yeah,” Alex said, laughing. “Jake’s mom is always watching. We can’t even climb on top of the tree house without her catching us!”

“And who’s the best soccer coach you’ve ever had?” Mom asked.

“Jake’s dad! He takes the time to explain things, and he doesn’t yell at us like some coaches.”

“Yes. He’s a great coach.” Mom parked the car in the driveway and rested her elbows on the steering wheel. “You’re going to have lots of friends who believe differently than we do, Alex. And as you get older, you’ll notice those differences more and more. But the important thing is to pick friends who are kind, friends who are honest, and friends who respect your beliefs just as you respect theirs.”

Alex thought for a moment. “Jake is all those things: kind, honest, and respectful. I’m lucky to have him for a friend.”

Mom nodded. “I think so too.”

I love these ideas. I love how the mother took the time to reassure her son that the issue is not a “member of the Church vs. non-member”–and it shouldn’t be the issue. The key is in her final words: “pick friends who are kind, friends who are honest, and friends who respect your beliefs.” I would also add that part of what made Jake’s family appealing to Alex’ family was that their standards on media, sports etiquette, and physical safety were similar.

She says nothing about membership or non-membership in the Church. The reverse, therefore, can also be inferred: it is better to leave ‘friends’ who are members of the Church, who are not kind, honest, who do not have similar standards, or especially, who do not respect our beliefs.

I am excited for my children to make friends regardless of their religious preference so long as they really  “are kind, honest, have similar standards, and are respectful of others’ beliefs.” I am excited about the future conversations we will have about this principle.